He Is There
What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me. I have no peace, no quietness; I have no rest, but only turmoil.
-- Job 3:25-26
Tension fills my body. I struggle for normal but normal is no more. Maybe if I try harder, I can fake it for just a little while longer. No. The phone keeps ringing. I'm juggling many tasks and I have never felt less in control.
It was never supposed to be this way. He is the healthy one. The one I depend on. No more. Now I bear the weight of decisions. Now I make the calming comments, reigning in the hysteria that surrounds me. There is no need to panic. It is what it is. God will carry us through this storm. All these things I know.
I long for God's peace. I know in my heart that He is in control. I know He has a plan. But I don't know that plan. I don't know what the day will bring. I don't know much of anything and it scares me. I take a deep breath, longing for His Presence to fill me. My chest tightens as I struggle to repeat scripture over and over in my mind.
I go through the motions of my day. There are cows to count and feed. There are doctors appointments to coordinate. There are phone calls to answer. The geese need corn. The paper must be fetched. The garbage gathered and carted to the road. And so the list goes. Torrential rain pours down. I look in vain for the rainbow of God's promise.
This is what I dreaded most of all when I allowed myself to think ahead. This is the scenerio I could not face. Yet, here I am, facing it because I must. I am not alone. God holds my hand. He's there, strengthing me, whispering words of encouragement in my ear. I can do this, He reminds me. It'll be okay. I'll be okay.
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