God Is All That Matters
"I, even I, am he who comforts you. Who are you that you fear mortal men, the sons of men, who are but grass," -- Isaiah 51:12
I am afraid. Of what? I don't really know. It's just an all-encompassing fear that resonates through my life. I am afraid of change. I am afraid change will never come. I am afraid of rejection, yet I experience it every day. I am afraid of the darkness, though I know God is always there with the light.
I was once a person who thrived on conflict. As a editorial columnist, I loved to upset people. I didn't care if they agreed with me or not. I cared that they thought about what was going on in the world around them. Now, I am but a shell of that person. I hide from conflict. I ignore it when I can. I just want to get along without having to deal with any turbulence.
Life is full of turbulence. No matter how much effort I put into avoiding conflict, there it is. Always. Someone is always unhappy. I say the wrong thing. I do the wrong thing. I say too much. I don't say enough. Someone always needs something and I am never enough. I could go on and on except it sounds like a pity party and that isn't what I intended. It's just that I spend a great deal of time trying to please people and get along with people who are never going to be happy with anything I do. Why do I try?
I know I'm not alone in this. Most everyone values the opinions of those around them. We want people to like us. We want people to seek time with us. We want to please the people we care about. I suppose there's nothing wrong with that -- until it becomes so important that you deny the person God made you to be. Then it's a problem. Because God always gets top billing. That means pleasing Him first and everyone else gets to take a number and wait in line.
I've learned to deny that voice God gave me. The voice that makes people think, even while they're squirming. It's a voice that says no one has all the answers and most people are only partially right anyway. Yeah. I'm a bit sharp-tongued and impatient. I get upset when Christians behave like they've never read the Bible or studied God's Word. I refuse to tolerate people who refuse to welcome all God's people because they've determined that some are not worthy.
Why should I fear comments or criticism from people? Who are they anyway? I must seek God's voice. I should reclaim the voice I've learned to suppress and speak once again for those who have no voice. I've denied who I am to please others. This time I just want to please God and be the person He called me to be.
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