July 25, 2019

Jesus Is There

Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me. – Psalm 27:10

The Bible was old and tattered, written in a language that was hard for me to understand. Still, I clung to it.

The suicide notes were written; my death planned out. Pain had numbed what was left of my heart. I was only 15 and, yet, all these years later I still remember the deep, wounding hurt.

I went outside still clutching my Bible, a remnant from childhood of the woman who hated me so, and sank into the grass. My tears were gone. My task was to survive until evening came.

I flipped open the Bible and looked down to read wherever my eyes landed. This verse drew me as I read it over and over again. God. He met me there in my brokenness, giving me a hope I didn’t feel and a purpose I couldn’t understand.

I wish I could say that life became perfect in the days and weeks that followed. It didn’t. My mother didn’t love or want me. It was a hard truth.

I wish I could say that I lived a perfect life, always pleasing God. I didn’t and I haven’t. Brokenness has a way of begetting more brokenness. That’s not an excuse but rather a fact. Recovery programs are littered with broken people. But there are just as many broken people who walk invisible amongst us each day. They carry their scars inside. They pretend so that others won’t see their pain.

My Bible today is littered with marks. Its easy-to-read words are highlighted and underlined. I cling to it whether times are good or bad. It tells the story of my life.

I don’t know your story. I don’t know your struggles or heartache. I don’t know your pain. But Jesus does. He meets us where we are. He comforts us, guides us, and fills us up inside. When the days are hard and the nights seem never-ending, call on Him. Don’t give up. Jesus is right there.