March 24, 2018

True Friends Are Rare

Whoever heeds life-giving correction will be at home among the wise.

– Proverbs 15:31

The other day a friend told me he didn’t have too many people who spoke truth in his life. I was one of them, he said.

I was surprised. He shook his head, explaining that most people just tell you what will make you happy or what they believe you want to hear. It takes a true friend to tell you what you need to hear, whether you want to hear it or not.

He was right. There seems to be two different camps: Those who want to keep you happy and those who want to tear you apart. A true friend wants to provide guidance with a large dose of kindness and love mingled in. That’s rare.

Years ago I was out shopping with a friend. I debated on purchasing a beautiful dress. I didn’t need it. I didn’t have any place to wear it. But it was just so fine. I asked for advice. My friend encouraged me to buy it. I did.

Months later she sniped that I’d wasted money on that dress. I was shocked. Wasn’t the time to say something before I bought it, when I’d actually asked for her opinion? If she’d told me her opinion back then, I probably wouldn’t have bought the dress.

No. I didn’t throw those words at her. I didn’t really say anything, just let that ugly comment pass on by. We aren’t friends anymore. We haven’t been for years. That day I realized I could never trust her to be honest with me. Yeah. It was just a dress. But what if it had been something more important? Could I trust her to tell me her honest opinion when it came to life issues? I don’t think so.

We all have those folks in our lives that are surface friends. They’re the ones who give easy compliments and laugh at our jokes and chat with us about life. We’re likely just that way with them. But we all need people who speak truth in kindness.

Don’t miss that kindness part. If someone speaks “truth” in order to hurt you or put you down, they don’t have your best interests in their mind. They are jealous and insecure. Some people, unfortunately, can only feel good about themselves when they are downing you or someone else. It’s sad.

Don’t let yourself be a victim to that kind of ugliness. Walk away. There’s no need to get into an argument about it. You can’t fix cruelty. Only God can do that. Pray for them. Be kind. But keep them at a distance.

Surround yourself with people who truly care, people who truly want what’s best for you. Treasure those people. Value them. They are your tribe, your people. Listen to their truth and honor it and them, whether you agree with their words or not. True friends are rare.