March 17, 2018

Jesus Is Near

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. – Psalm 147:3

She looked like she was sleeping. She was finally at peace. The oxygen machine that had helped her breath was silent. She had no need of it now.

I pulled the chair up close to the bed and gazed down at her, something I’d done repeatedly over the last weeks. The nurses had met me at the door. They’d hovered for a while. Now I was alone as we waited for the funeral director to come.

Birds fed happily outside the window. She’d always loved to watch the birds and I made sure each day that the bird feeder was filled with seed. Other residents would stop by and admire the birds and visit with my Mother. I wondered who would feed the birds now.

Her presence had consumed my life for more years than I could remember. She was a spitfire and drama always seemed to surround her. She wanted to be the center of attention, to have everyone’s world rotate around her. In the end, in those last days of life, it was just the two of us waiting for God to call her home.

Bittersweet. How else can you describe the passing of someone you love to someplace so much better than here? I was thankful that she was no longer in pain. Her body had failed her and refused to do what she commanded. Her broken heart was beyond soothing. Her anger had turned to bitterness at those who had abandoned her in her darkest hours.

She was reunited with her husband of 63 years. They’d fought and loved, totally dependent on each other for longer than either could believe. It was a bond others had tried to destroy but, in the end, it was stronger than they realized.

They say heaven is a beautiful place. I’m counting on it. I look forward with eager anticipation to the great reunion. I can’t wait to meet Jesus and Peter and Esther and Ruth and all those who went before. I look forward to seeing my family again. What a time it will be!

But first I had to get through the days ahead. It’s been a year today. I haven’t really even begun to process it all. Her clothes still hang in the closet, waiting to be worn. Her dishes, her things, remain. I know I need to push ahead but my heart screams that it isn’t ready to let go.

My faith carries me. It surrounds me with God’s Word when the words of the world seek to destroy me. God is present. He helps me. He sends good people my way. I am blessed. The journey would be impossible without Him.

I have no idea what the days ahead will bring. I’ve learned that I can’t even imagine what could happen. But I do know that I do not journey through this life alone. My Savior, my Jesus, is right there with me every step that I take. I cling to His Presence even as I grieve.