April 23, 2016

Build People Up

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. -- Ephesians 4:29

Have you ever been riding high, super excited about something wonderful, only to have another person burst your balloon? Yeah. It’s frustrating and needless.

Some people are just determined that no one can be happy or successful. I grew up hearing “Don’t toot your own horn.” That comment came whenever I accomplished something or someone complimented me. It was part of an immediate putdown.

How about you? Did you have cheerleaders or people who put you down? What about now?

A few years ago a couple left our class to lead another class. I can’t say I was sorry to see them go. I was always on alert because they would harshly criticize people and would throw out Biblical untruths as truth. I didn’t even realize how stressed I was until I noticed how relaxed I was when they weren’t there. How sad.

What really surprised me was the reaction of others. I assumed they were popular and well liked. I was wrong. They weren’t fooling anyone. Others expressed relief that they were gone.

I doubt they have any idea. They’re not bad people; just self-focused. I think that’s where all those critical comments come from. There’s just no compassion or kindness for anyone else.

That’s the key. When we criticize, do we use words in love or out of a need to feel better about ourselves? Are we critical because someone isn’t like us or because there’s truly something wrong with their view?

Either way, love makes all the difference. Kindness. Compassion. People listen when they know you truly care. It’s simple really. So why do so many people miss that basic point?

People frequently rise -- or fall -- to meet our expectations. When we see the good in someone and expect the best from them, they usually deliver. But when we are critical and expect failure before they even try, they usually deliver that too.

It costs us nothing to be a cheerleader. It takes nothing away from us but gives something wonderful to others. Give it try. The results might surprise you.