Sunday, August 12, 2012

Give God Your Pain and Suffering

Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me. -- Psalm 27:10

I was 15. And I was just so tired of trying. Of hurting. Of being rejected again and again, day after day.

So I made a decision. With her words of hatred echoing in my mind, I planned it down to the last detail. The notes were written. I felt a peace that can only come after deep despair.

All that remained was to wait until night, when their family was asleep. This was one thing I wanted to do without an audience of critics. I grabbed a tattered Bible, a hand me down that I treasured, and headed outside.

Tears streamed down my face as I sank to my knees. I held the faded black book to my chest, as a parent might hold a small child close. It was the closest I got to hugs most of the time.

I wiped my eyes and opened the Bible. My eyes fell on this Scripture from Psalms. I’m sure it doesn’t seem like much to some but to this battered teen desperate for love and acceptance, it was everything. It gave me enough hope and courage to put those plans aside and hang on for another day, another week, another year.

That’s the day, the moment, when the Holy Spirit entered me. I know many people view their Baptism as “the” day but for me it was that afternoon when I was all alone and He came to me. And changed me.

Some memories never fade and that is one of them. Perhaps it has been on my mind more lately because several people -- none that I’ve known personally -- have committed suicide. I see families and friends struggle with heartbreak and questions that will never really go away.

And I remember how close I came to ending it all because I’d lost hope that tomorrow would ever be a better day. That’s what Jesus gives to us -- hope. A promise that God is with us, that He never leaves us. Strength to make it through the hard times of failure and rejection, hopelessness and despair. A light that reminds us that no matter how dark life seems, there’s a candle flickering ahead to beckon us forward into another day.

I somehow want to tell those who are lost, who feel forgotten, worthless, desperate, that there is an answer that promises life. His name is Jesus Christ. And He’s waiting for you to call His name.

That’s what I did that day. I didn’t even know it at the time. But in desperation I cried out to God -- and He heard me. He answered me. He saved me. And He’ll save you too, if you’ll only trust Him with your life.