Wednesday, January 18, 2012

God Lights Our Lives

LORD, you have brought light to my life; my God, you light up my darkness. In your strength I can crush an army; with my God I can scale any wall. -- Psalm 18:28-29

Some days I can’t remember when God wasn’t the center of my world. It seems as though He has always been right there with me. I want to believe that I have always sought His face, His will, His plan.

But it wouldn’t be true. My relationship with God has come and gone through the years. Sometimes I am closer and sometimes I seem so far away. Yet He never, ever gave up on me. I am eternally grateful for that.

As a child, I loved reading the psalms. I pulled out my tattered Bible, the Bible that once belonged to my Mother, and would read them over and over. The adult in me understands the draw of those words. I heard the anguish, the pleas, the heartache. I felt the hope. I longed for God’s protection. Yes. I fully understand why the child that I was loved reading the psalms.

It’s no surprise that as a teenager, when the rejection I’d known was complete, that I again turned to the psalms. I cried out and God heard my cry. It’s that day I received my salvation. It’s that day when Jesus became my Lord and Savior. It’s that day when I got up, took one step and then another, until I could walk again.

Yet, I still didn’t believe His promises. Not for me anyway. A lifetime of criticism and rejection made me doubt my worthiness. Who was I to be loved by a King? How could He possibly want me, desire me, value me, when everyone around me had already judged me as undeserving?

Years passed as I moved between belief and destruction. Then, one day, I turned again to His embrace and, finally, I believed. I am worthy. I am deserving. I do have value. He knew it all along.

I didn’t know how to study a Bible I’d never read all the way through. But I started with page one and I did read it. Then I read it again. And again. And I signed up for Bible studies. I read books by Max Lucado and Billy Graham and others. And I prayed. I begged God for knowledge and wisdom. And I asked Him again and again to never, ever leave me.

Of course, He’s never left me to begin with. He longed to fill me with light. He wanted to carry me when life’s cruelties threatened to destroy me. But I was too proud, too scared, too unsure of my own worth to trust that His love was solid and true.

Not anymore. I know to whom I belong. I know my worth. I know who lights my path. I know what I can do through Him who carries me, strengthens me, holds me. I belong to God. Pure and simple. I carry His mark on me for all to see. Finally. Finally. I believe.

What about you? Have you embraced your Father, your Savior, your Creator? Or are you running from a true commitment that will change your life forever? Your choice. Light or darkness? Strength or weakness? Eternal life or endless doom? He loves you so much. He gave His Son for you. What are you waiting for? Reach out. Take His hand.