Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Forgiveness Is Ongoing

Honor your father and mother -- which is the first commandment with a promise -- that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. -- Ephesians 6:2-3

A young woman I know struggles with anger toward her mother. She’s a young Christian who wants to do the right thing. She visits her mother. She takes her young children to visit their grandmother. It’s a difficult relationship.

An older woman can’t understand. “She’s got to let it go,” she says. “She’s got to move past it so that her children aren’t impacted by her anger toward her mother.”

I just smile and remind the older woman to pray about it. I refuse to gossip. I refuse to delve into the darkness of the younger woman’s struggles with someone who can’t possibly understand. The older woman is loving and kind. She had wonderful parents and she, in turn, became a wonderful mother. Her family loves and celebrates each member. She can’t comprehend anything else.

I can. You see for this young woman it isn’t about forgiving past sins. It isn’t about forgiving past hurts. It’s about an ongoing broken relationship where one of the parties continues to destroy the person she should have loved and cherished, supported and protected, from the time of her birth. Forgiving becomes not so much letting go of the past as a daily battle to forgive and deal with the hurtful comments and actions that continue.

The Bible tells us to honor our parents. We are to love and respect them no matter what. How do you love and respect someone who would destroy you in a heartbeat? How do you love and respect someone who is a master at hurtful comments, lies and putdowns?

I don’t have any answers for this young woman as she struggles to reconcile her reality with God’s words. I don’t know how to explain to those blessed with wonderful family relationships how it feels to be rejected again and again by your own mother. I have no answers.

It is a daily challenge to hand it all to God. Day after day. Hurt after hurt. Because the alternative is to become hard, shutting yourself off from everyone just so that you can survive the pain. God knows. He understands. His love is unconditional and complete. And, some days, that’s more than enough.