God Holds On To Us
Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. -- Psalm 25:16
Aging means different things to different people. One friend is excited that she'll turn 50 next month. She sees it as a new chapter and a wonderful turning point. Not me. Birthdays just make me feel old and worn out.
Okay. Maybe that's just the state of my life right now. My friend is basking in the glow of a small grandchild, even as she mourns the death of a marriage. She has surrounded herself with friends and a thriving, new business. She relies on Jesus to be her strength and compass. I admire her.
I trust Jesus. I do. It's myself I don't trust. I worry about the future. I want to take over, make changes, secure my own future. I know God wants me to rely on Him but that's a scary, scary thing. My mind is full of what-ifs and none of them are good.
I am very aware that I walk this earth alone. Yes, Jesus is with me. I know that. But here's where the trust issues come in. Sometimes a human needs another human, whether it's a drive to the doctor's office or simple companionship. In God's wisdom, I know He knows what I need before I do. I know He'll provide for me. It's just scary because I look ahead and all I see is darkness.
I didn't always view life this way. I was, and sometimes still am, the eternal optimist. I always believed the day could be salvaged and that tomorrow would be better than I could imagine. I know better now. Maybe that's why this whole aging thing stresses me out. I want to see the world the way I did before I learned that no matter how much you hope and dream, plan and work, sometimes life just never gets any easier or any less painful.
I draw strength from my Maker, who loves and cares for me in all circumstances. I take each day as it comes. I search for the Light, trying desperately to stay focused and calm. He is there. Holding on to me. Making sure that I will never, ever be alone.
No comments:
Post a Comment